Thoughts and views about writing, researching and creating. All the doubts and wonders I come across, all the surprises and discovery of new roads I am lucky to experience when working with my non-fiction texts. A big and warm welcome to you, I’m very happy to see you here. - Majken xx
Some years ago, I witnessed an interesting happening. I was on my way to the local gym, and as I arrived, I saw a woman leaving the place. From the opposite side of the (transparent) entrance door, another woman was about to enter, and as it went, the woman going out held the door for the one going in. Overall, the whole scenario only took a few seconds, and I agree it was a very common scene. However, there were some details to it that I found interesting. You see, the woman who was entering the door hardly noticed that the door was being held for her. She didn’t recognise that someone was doing her a favour, although it happened right before her eyes. Or so it seemed to me. I was, I admit, a little upset about this and I remember thinking that if someone held the door for me, I would at least return the favour with a ‘thank you’. And then - then I started thinking about the act of giving.
Helping other people is a most likeable feature, right? However, as much as I like being of service to others, there is still a limit to how much time and energy I have to keep up with this activity.
When I began dipping my toes into the pond of “how to start up your own business”, I was told how important it is to be generous. ‘Make free handouts’, ‘share your ideas’, ‘offer your help to everyone you meet’, different gurus in the business field told me. They argued that if you meet people you once offered your help, there’s a good chance they will remember who you are and, thus, be (more) willing to help you in return.
Although help, in that sense, is handed out with a clear motive attached, I still thought it was a good advice. And not just when it comes to business. Helping other people is a most likeable feature, right? However, as much as I like being of service to others, there is still a limit to how much time and energy I have to keep up with this activity. If I hold the door to every person I meet, so to speak, then…well, what about the days when I don’t have the strength?
Later I bumped into the same business advice, although this time it had a slightly different angle. ‘Hand out your help as much as you can afford to, money and time-wise, it said. Also, it pointed out another important detail: you should not compare yourself with other businesses. If you, for instance, see someone who gives away all sorts of free stuff, you might feel obliged to do the same. You might think this is the only way you can ever reach a certain level in your business.
The thing is, though: you have no idea who these people really are or at what stage their business is. Neither do you know what is happening behind the scenes. They may have been on the market for years and have piles of old (and still valid) stuff lying around, making it easy for them to give it away for free. Others might have won the lottery and decided to spend time creating things for people free of charge because that's what makes them happy - and so time and money are not something they need to worry about.
The point is that we never know what exactly is happening in other people’s businesses or why they choose to do what they do. I once followed a young woman on Instagram who was posting fun and creative book reviews. At the time, she was also busy studying, she said, and although she was living at home with her parents and didn’t have to worry about paying the rent, those videos must have taken up quite some time. That was what I thought, anyway. Then one day, she announced that she needed to take a break. From now on, she told, she would only be posting shorter book reviews, and they would be in writing. Frankly, I was a little relieved on her behalf. She had now figured out that spending her time making those free videos didn’t agree with the rest of her life, and so she slowed down.
How do you perform an act of giving that truly suits you? You could begin thinking about it on a conscious level: what can you honestly afford to hand out to others for free?
So, a good advice to follow is to give to other people what you honestly have to offer - or feel like sharing. It seems like the most obvious thing in the world when you think about it. Still, for some of us, it might be more complex. Recently I stumbled upon this book called “The No Club - Putting a Stop to Women's Dead-End Work”. It explains how women - in many companies worldwide - often are unfairly burdened with “non-promotable work”, such as planning the office party, screening interns, or helping others with their work. Based on solid research, the book explains how women tend to take upon them the type of work that all organisations have, but no one wants to do. Also - quite interestingly - it is the women who most often are asked and expected to do this work. And when they do, they spend a lot of time and energy on tasks that pull them away from the work that matters most to their career.
So how do you change this pattern? Well, either the women learn how to say “No” to these tasks, or the organisations cast a look upon their “non-promotable jobs” and make sure to upgrade them to a “promotable” level.
In a perfect world, both solutions would, of course, be activated at the same time. However, learning how to say “No” is what women can do here and now, although, as the book explains, it is not easy. There may be personal issues at stake, organisational hierarchies to overcome or culturally based rules you need to beat. If you feel a little lost, you could, for instance, go through these three “No Club” questions:
1: Get the Information You Need to Understand the Task: What does the task imply? How much time will it take? When should you expect to do the work? Where on the promotability continuum does this task fall? [“Excuse me, Mr Boss, where exactly does this task fall on the firm’s promotability continuum?”]
2: Consider Who Is Asking You: can you actually say ‘No’ to this person? What are the risks if you do?
3: Avoid the Traps that Lead to Yes: why do you feel you need to say yes? Make sure to take some time to think before you respond - a.k.a. the implant of the “I’ll get back to you” auto-reply.
The “No Club” book even encourages you to start a “No Club” yourself. It is, in other words, not ‘just’ a book (books rarely are…); it is also a call to action.
So! How do you perform an act of giving that truly suits you? You could begin thinking about it on a conscious level: what can you honestly afford to hand out to others for free? And then proudly do it. Also, I believe it’s wise to remind ourselves that we don’t need to hold all the doors we come across for others.
I once got this advice from a Qi Gong master that you might find helpful: when you carry out a task, you ought to use only 80% of your strength. In that way, you will always have energy left - for yourself or for holding the door to someone. If you feel like it, that is.
Majken xx
THIS IS a blog post from me to you. I send it out once every fortnight - if you want to join my email list please go HERE. In turn, you will receive ‘a handful of history’, which is me sharing real-life stories from around the world, narratives I’ve picked that are rooted in history one way or another. Every other time, my latest act, ‘from my corner of the world’, will land in your email. These are texts in which I share with you thoughts and views about writing, researching and creating. All the doubts and wonders I come across, all the surprises and discovery of new roads I am lucky to experience when working with my non-fiction texts.
Thanks for reading. I’m happy to see you here! - Majken xx
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